12 YERO OLD YOUR MOM GAY MEME DRIVER
Perhaps they can earn extra cash as an Uber driver or signing up for TaskRabbit. But challenge them to get creative in coming up with a repayment plan.Īsk them about what kinds of jobs align with their skills. If they truly end up needing money for rent, lending support isn't a crime. I'm not suggesting you shouldn't help them with anything at all. So the next time your kid comes to you and says, "Tell me what to do," ask them, "Well, what do you think you should do?" Flipping the script empowers them because it shows you respect them and genuinely care about what they have to say. But if you don't take a step back, your adult child may never stop relying on you for answers. This can be tough, especially if you know the answers. The first step to empowering your child to solve their own problems is to stop providing all the answers. They want their parents to tell them exactly what they need to do. Parents of millennials often tell me their children call them almost daily seeking their help ― not just about financial issues, but with everyday or career challenges. Stop giving answers, start asking questions
While that may sound harsh, research has shown that young adults who are given financial help, rather than living rent-free at home, tend to have more successful careers.ģ. Then, work with him to figure out how he can secure a place of his own, even if it means providing him with a little bit of financial support. You could start your response with, "That might feel like the easiest solution, but let's talk about other ways we can help you." Instead of welcoming him with open arms, understand that it's OK to say no. Maybe you have a 30-year-old son who wants to move back home ― but for whatever reason, you don't want him to. Parents of millennial children need to start changing their priorities and make choices for themselves. It may not happen overnight, but as the years progress, many parents get used to putting themselves last. Make choices for yourself, even if it makes your child unhappyįrom the moment your child is born, your life changes. If they're employed, encourage them to save a certain amount of their monthly paycheck for future expenses.Ģ. Some may enjoy the company, and that's OK, too.īut it's important to create what I call a "home contract," in which you set a deadline for when they need to move out, and what you do expect and don't expect from them so long as they're there. Many parents allow their children to return home because they want to help. If your millennial child is living at home, for example, consider why they're there and how long you're willing to allow them to stay with you. The solution? Shift your mindset and decide to stop making things easier for them. This is the same mindset I see in my parent patients.īut this behavior is what makes children increasingly dependent on their parents as they grow older. Despite having extensive knowledge about anxiety as a therapist, I still have the instinctual need to swoop in and rescue him. My husband and I have an 11-year-old son who suffers from anxiety. Whether or not we choose to admit it, we're all somewhat guilty of snow-plowing, lawn-mowing and bulldozing obstacles out of our children's way.
The "Varsity Blues" scandal from earlier this year put a huge spotlight on excessive parenting behaviors. Parents who struggle with their adult kids being too dependent on them need to start teaching their children the coping skills that will help them get through the realities and challenges of adulthood. Based on what I've observed as a therapist, unlike baby boomers, Gen X parents invest way more time, energy and resources in their kids. (According to a recent Bankrate survey, 50% of American parents said they are sacrificing their own retirement savings in order to help their children.)īut more often than not, it's not about money. This trend of millennials relying on their parents for financial help is shaping their attitudes toward money and the general responsibilities of adulthood.Īs a result, parents are starting to feel a mix of frustration and fear ― not just for their adult children's future, but for theirs as well. These financial struggles have led to young people delaying "adulthood."